sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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