I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
