Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize