I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
