i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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