why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
