I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
