There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize