Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
