I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
