if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
