Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
