he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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