i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
