i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
