I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I enjoy the company of your penis
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
