i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
