My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
