i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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