I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize