I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
