Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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