we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
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