Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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