I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
