he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
