His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
