I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize