Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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