Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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