Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
