I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
