so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
