lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
