Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
