During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
