you guys were way drunker than both of me
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
