Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
