then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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