I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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