everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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