Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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