At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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