I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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