If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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