I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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