she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize