I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Did you just see the Batmobile???
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
