She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
