Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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