How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
