The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
