do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
