so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Randomize
