she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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