its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
