I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
