Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
