Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
