Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
