Just mADE A PArabola og urine
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You need a sexual gate keeper
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
