the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
