Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
