She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
