Ambien. No doubt about it.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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