when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
