i permit you to call me
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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