How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
