i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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