he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
