strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
