Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize