Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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