I'm drive I can fine osifer
she looked like the before picture.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
