We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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