Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
