dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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