dude i'm inner monologue high
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize