your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
