just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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