her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
