evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
