who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
