who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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