my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
