So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
