i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
