'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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