there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
