after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
