We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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