So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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