Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
