I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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