Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
