So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize