there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
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