In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
