no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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