I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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