Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize