I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
