did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
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