I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
