I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
