I think I am morally bankrupt
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Randomize
