You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
