Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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