Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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