WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
