'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
